We just celebrated our 43rd wedding anniversary. Our journey began in Bakersfield, CA and we…
Sex Before Marriage: The Landmine of Love
According to a study on sexual activity by Relevant, a Christian magazine,
as many as 80 percent of unmarried evangelical young adults have had sex.
This is a startling statistic in light of two very clear commands from the Bible:
Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will
love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. (John 14:23 NIV)
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
(1Thessalonians 4:3 NIV)
If one wonders what sexual immorality is, if you use Logos Bible Software, and dig into The Word, you will discover it means ALL sex outside the bounds– the context of marriage.
So many of this generation (teens and grownups ) think they will come out ahead if they sleep with the one they are “in love” with. However studies show something entirely different. Jim Burns of Homeword radio, in his book, Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality, quotes a study out of the University of Wisconsin (so a secular study, so people can’t say it is slanted due to Christian bias!).
Here are 9 Facts about Pre-Marital Sex:
Fact 1: Premarital sex tends to break up couples
Fact 2: Many men do not want to marry a woman who has had intercourse with someone else.
Fact 3: Those who have premarital sex tend to have less happy marriages
Fact 4: Those who have premarital sex are more likely to have their marriage end in divorce.
Fact 5: Persons and Couples who have had premarital sex are more likely to have an
extramarital affair as well.
Fact 6: Having pre-marital sex may fool you into marrying a person who is not right for
Fact 7: Persons and couples who have had premarital sex experience sexual satisfaction
sooner after they are married. HOWEVER—
Fact 8: They are likely to be less satisfied overall with their sex life during marriage.
Fact 9: Poor premarital sexual habits can be carried over to spoil sex in marriage.
And let Bill and I add a Biblical observation we have made as Fact 10:
Fact 10:Couples who engage in premarital sex are practicing DISOBEYING God together, which is a terrible way to erode a marital foundation before you ever get to the altar. In addition, the consistent practice of premarital sex causes a callous to develop over the heart of each individual so it makes it harder for each to hear and respond to God’s guidance.
So what can we do to reverse this trend?
Parents: Prepare your child, tween and teen by proactively educating him or her on love, sex, and relationships. Use our Teen Relationship Contract .Talk with your teen and reward your son or daughter for making wise choices.
Church leaders: Teach the whole counsel of God, offer discipleship, mentoring, and small groups with role models who are walking in integrity. Partner with parents for events and opportunities to equip tweens
teens and college students.
Teens: Read books like Guys are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti or The Purity Code (Jim Burns) – books aimed at teens to equip you to make your own wise choices. Have a daily quiet time so you practice listening to and responding to Jesus daily.
Reliable ministries that have helps and resources for this core vital issue: Homeword, Focus on the
Family, Family Life Today, Vicki Courtney -You and Your Girl, Generations of Virtue, Modern Day Princess, Dannah Gresh- Pure Freedom, and of course, Love-Wise.com.
Some of our resources that help parents and teens make wise relationship choices are Guys are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti, Got Teens?, 10 Best Decisions a Teen Can Make, The Teen Relationship Contract, The Freshman Foundation Dinner and Dialogue Questions.
For singles: 10 Best Decisions a Single Can Make and Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are
The first step is likely a simple prayer. Based on your past choices, you select the verse to pray over your life:
- You have had premarital sex and you desire to repent (stop), or you are already
married but never have told God you are sorry and claimed his forgiveness:
Lord, your word says that is I confess my sins, you are faithful and just to forgive all my sins and cleanse me from
all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9) Now I choose to hide your word in my heart that I might not sin against
You. (Ps 119:9-10)
2. You are still a virgin, and you want to stay true to that commitment, or you are praying for your son or daughter, that they will stay strong:
I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise. I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes. I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands (Psalms 119:58-60)
The best way out of the field of landmines caused by premarital sex is:
(1) To never enter it or ( 2) ask God to lead you step by step out of it back to a safe more secure place.
Forgiveness and redemption are possible, see Pam and Bill’s book, Love, Honor and Forgive or 10 Best Decisions
a Woman Can Make. Consult a trusted pastor or counselor- God can repattern your heart to hear and respond to His best plan and path. Take the first step, acknowledge you have gone of course and want to get back to the heart of God and allow Him to direct your path to healing and wholeness.
PS: Hold Oct. 17 noon to for Save Our Girls Day to Pray – join us in praying for the next generation of teens: www.saveourgirls.org