Three Tips for Helping LUV Last

Bill and I have had 46 Valentine Days together as a married couple, and one the year before while we dated. We always wish the magic of Valentine’s Day could last longer! On Valentine’s Day, there is always the opportunity to be kind, nice, generous, thoughtful, fun and flirty! When asked “What makes a marriage last? what makes a marriage strong?” We reply, “Actually, it is quite simple– be be NICE!”

So let’s just look at three SIMPLE Expressions of NICE that will fan thr flame on love and romance all year long, year after year!

 Listen with understanding

Skill: Practice empathetic listening — hear not just words, but the heart behind them. In Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, we encourage couples tyo take turns listening. There are four simple skills that can help you become a great listener:

Repeat Key Phrases: Often we fall into one word answers so we can take over the conversation and give OUR opinion, wisdom, knowledge. Instead, slow down the pace and invite the pother person to open up and give you more. For example, if you simply ask, “How are you?” Chances are the answer will be “fine.” and the the reply, “Yeah, me too.” Instead, stop and push pause: “So you are feeling fine?” Chances are, the other person will reply, “Well, not really. Actually, I am kind of tired.”

“You are tired?”

“Yeah, I have teens so I stay up waiting for thrm to come home. I don’t want them to make the same mistakes I did as a teen…” Now the conversation is off and running to deeper, more meaningful interactions.

Rephrase: Put the conversation into your own words. You might start with, “What I hear you saying is…”

Regroup: Time to hand the conversation back and ask for some clarification. Try: “Am I following you?” Iam I tracking with you?’ “Am I even in the ballpark of what you are trying to explain to me”

Reconnect: Your spouse (or whomever you are talking to) will be sharing a story, in that story is an emotion. Ask yourself, “Have I ever felt that way?” The circumstances can be quite different, but what you arte going for is mating heart to heart, emotion to emotion to gain a real connection.

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” — James 1:19

Uphold each other with grace

Skill: Encourage, honor, and protect your partner’s dignity.

Take the high road. If your mate happens to misspeak, give the benefit of the doubt. It is impossible to judge another intentions or motives. Instead of immediately taking a comment personally and getting offended, try asking for more information. Try phrases like, “Can you share more what you mean, I would like to hear more of your heart on this.” Or “I am not sure I understand, could you rephrase that?” Or, add a little humor, “I am thinking you might not have meant that the way it came out– want to give it another try?”

Another way to take the high road is to give sincere compliments.If you find yourself at a loss for words, try following the example of King Solomon and his wife who took turns giving compliments and affirmations from head to toe, then two to head!Here is one  example:

You’re beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.( Song of Songs 4:7 MSG)

Encouragment will build and bless your marriage brick by brick, affirmation by affirmation!

“Encourage one another and build each other up.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Value love through daily actions

Skill: Romance thrives when love shows up in consistent, caring gestures.

True romance is NOT just words! It is words of kindness, gentleness, thoughtfulness, and allure– backed up with actions that say, “I was thinking of you!” This is one reason to hone your listening skills, then you can capture those phrases from your mate’s heart that express his or her thoughts, wishes, hopes, and dreams (then you can plan on how to amke a few of them happen, or give symbols of hope along the journey toward those bigger goals. If you want some fun and flirty actions, pick up a copy of Red Hot Monogamy  with over 20 red hot romance ideas– and “hands on homework” in each chapter (Homework you WANT to do with your mate!)

“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” — 1 John 3:18

Pam and Bill Farrel are international speakers, Co-Directors of Love-Wise, and authors of more than 60 books. They are parents to three grown sons, three daughters in law, and 8 grandchildren.  For romance, you will likely find the Farrels kayaking to coffee from their live aboard boat or enjoying a sunset prayer walk on the beach near their home in Southern CA.

For an abundance of romantic ideas, download hundreds of Fun, Free and Fantastic dates.   www.Love-Wise.com